I just came to the realization, I have NO IDEA what I want in life.

There are different comfort zones I have in different periods of life. During the school year, my comfort zone is being at school and being with my roommate and CBU friends. During the summer, my comfort zone is getting to hang out with my high school besties once again. As the summer progresses, I find comfort in being at my home church and being with my church friends and family. This summer especially, after going to England with my church, I feel like I am even more closely knit to my church family. 

Now here lies the problem. The fact that I have three different comfort zones which have nothing to do with each other kinda scares me. Maybe it's a fear of the future. It scares me to imagine life without CBU and my CBU friends. It scares me that time flies and that these two years are gonna disappear in a blink! It scares me to think that my high school friends are moving on. They seem to be on the train track of life while I am just wandering aimlessly without even being on the track. It scares me to think that my church friends come and go. They move on in life too. People move, people go to different schools, and frankly, some just change churches. 

It's strange that I am even thinking like this because I have always been someone that likes change. But at this point in my life, I think I am most comfortable in my routine. Sometimes, I wish I could just freeze time. I wish I could stay 20 forever or even go back to the younger days. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to move on. Maybe it's just being unsure of the future that is making me scared. I wish I could just see ahead into the future and know what God has in store for me. But I guess that's the whole idea of faith. What is faith if I am not trusting in Him to guide my future and give me a peace about?

One thing to cling to, I have God's promise of a future and a hope. 

So here's to my future, wherever God may lead!

This entry was posted on Aug 23, 2008 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 . You can leave a response .

2 Responses to “ Realization ”

rachel said...

i was reading your post and just nodding the whole time, i totally know what you mean.

and if you want to be a chacha guide you should totally sign up. and put my email as the reference.

Miray said...

Wow that was really intense. Everyone has their comfort zones but all I have to say is this. If the change a person goes through is from God, it will be much better than you staying in your comfort zone, so don't worry about a thing, just leave it to Him! :)

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