"'Ah, stubborn children,' declares the LORD, 'who carry out a plan, but not mine...'" Isaiah 30:1

This verse keeps popping up in my life. Out of nowhere too.

God's telling me something. He's stopping me dead in my tracks. Yet, I am being emotionally stubborn. Why am I fighting for what I want when it's clearly something God doesn't want? I even go as far as trying to convince myself that it actually isn't that clear and maybe I am misinterpreting what God is telling me.

God, please make Your will for me clear in this situation. Help me not to be stubborn and help me to want what You want above what I want.

Today, I did something I usually am not a fan of. I went Church hopping. Mind you, I haven't completely ditched my church. It was only one day. And it really isn't hopping if you're committed. But still.

I went to Mars Hill OC this morning and I really want to go again. I love my church, but I feel like my ministry is sucking me dry. I love being involved and I love serving, but it gets harder and harder when you don't have time to go and be fed. I feel like I need to plug in more, more for myself, so I can balance out my serving and my being fed. But how do I do that when there aren't enough days in the week and not enough hours in the day?! Whyyy is life so busy?! Satan's using my busyness to distract me. I blogged about this very thing not too long ago.

I need more spiritual nutrition. I need more Jesus time. I need to get away from my distractions. But how??

I forgive but I don't forget. Actually, I stay angry for a long time even after forgiving. And yes, that makes sense in my mind.

God's showing me a lot about that.

Then the LORD said, "Is it right for you to be angry?" -Jonah 4:4

"Injuries hurt not more in the receiving than in the remembrance. A small injury shall go as it comes; a great injury may dine or sup with me; but none at all shall lodge with me. Why should I vex myself because another hath vexed me? Grief for things past that cannot be remedied, and care for things to come that cannot be prevented, may easily hurt, can never benefit me. I will therefore commit myself to God in both, and enjoy the present." -Joseph Hall

Why dwell on things that only caused me pain? No one is bothered in my anger, except for me. Let go, and let God. That's one of the cliche Christian phrases that I have to keep telling myself. God is in control of every situation in my life, including the dramatic ones. He'll take care of them. All I have to do is entrust them completely over to Him. No anger, no hard feelings, no bad memories. Just trust.

I wrote three blog drafts late last night and realized today that I shouldn't post any of them. Note to self: your blog is not your journal. There's a lot going on in my life these days, a lot that's keeping my brain and heart occupied.

I have been praying a lot about prudence, something I don't have that I wish I did. It's often hard for me to know when to keep my mouth shut. I open up so quickly. I tell everyone everything and almost always regret it. It seems like this is the lesson I have been learning lately. It's almost as if God is allowing the drama in my life in order for me to learn when to be prudent and when to share it with others.

One of my friends said it well: "Life is like a box of chocolates, don't let everyone have a piece of it." SO true. It's hard to get things back once you've given them away. Especially emotions. I'm working on it. God is teaching me.

Proverbs 8:12
"I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, and I find knowledge and discretion."

I'm a big fan of lists. I always have been. My favorite kind of lists are pros and cons lists. They just seem to shed light on a lot that I wouldn't otherwise see. I'm currently in the process of making 2 pros and cons lists. One will be posted on this blog: the pros and cons of the iphone versus the blackberry. The other, well, I can't really talk about that one. I'm trying to practice prudence. Ha! But now I'm just making all of you curious so I'll just shut up now. Okay, this blog was a waste of your time. Sorry for making you read that. You were bound to get a blah blog during November Blogfest. Happy blogging! :P

Today, I woke up with a goal of having some Jesus time when I got off of work. My Jesus time has been lacking lately, and I wanted to make up for it. I purposely didn't plan anything. I usually go out with friends before church on Wednesdays, but today, I just wanted to sit in my car—me and Jesus.

Of course, Satan didn't like my plan. I got to church an hour and a half early. I did nothing more than open my Bible before a friend walked up to my car and invited herself in. Within a minute, another friend had jumped in. We were en route to Starbucks. Sorry Jesus, you'll have to wait, I thought. I was bummed. My me and Jesus time had turned into a typical Starbucks date. Or so I thought. Jesus didn't allow Himself to be thrown on the back burner though. My intentions were good. And so Jesus joined us for our Starbucks date. The conversation was definitely one that I can look back on, knowing that it was glorifying to God.

Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me with Godly friends, ones that can have Jesus time with me.

Life has gotten extremely busy. I am tired of being an adult, but there is no turning back. Working full-time has gotten the best of me. I am trying to maintain my social life, but that requires a sacrifice of sleep. This probably is detrimental to my health. But I deserve to have friend time, right?

Even in the midst of my busyness, I am taking on the challenge of blogging every day for November Blogfest. Why, might you ask? To get back into a routine. Somehow, routine maintains responsibility and helps keeps me focused.

I felt convicted as I read a friend's blog. He said,

"In the midst of stress I try to cope by shutting down parts of my life; I unplug, and drop the ball. My walk falters. My relationships become more distant as I become reclusive. My work suffers. My ministry suffers. I suffer. And yet I march proudly down this road imagining that I’m on another. Well convincing—lying to—myself and others that I am hard at work accomplishing all that God has set before me."

My walk has definitely been suffering lately, as has my ministry. And here I am, taking on another task. For the next month, I am going to use my blog as a place to unwind, a place to make sense of all the things God is showing me. There will be the random post here and there (how can I do away with those? ha!), but for the most part, I'm going to be as uncensored as I can be in a public forum. Stay tuned, folks! Hopefully you'll be able to gain some insight from what God is teaching me!

I have cellphone ADD. I can't seem to keep the same phone for a long time. It's pretty amusing actually. So much so, that I felt the need to make a timeline blog! Enjoy!

This was my first phone...good ol' Nokia 3390! This phone had the first version of Snake! Best game everrrr! :)

My next phone was just toooooo cute. Samsung x475.























Then, I got a green phone. I love all things green! Motorola W490.

























Buuut of course, that didn't have enough good features. So I moved onto the Samsung T619. That's right, 1.9 mp camera and all! :P
















Buuuuut I wanted an iPhone SO badly. SO SO badly. Sooooo I got an unlocked one :) First generation. Vintage status now!




















Tell me why anyone in their right mind would switch to something else after having an iPhone...I told you I have cellphone ADD! Next up: Samsung Gravity T669!




















Buuuut after having an iPhone, this just didn't satisfy. Back to smartphone I go! Blackberry Curve 8520! (Yep, I went from iPhone to Blackberry!)






















I tried to convert it into a green phone (bad idea!), thrashed it, and then got a new Blackberry instead. Blackberry Curve 9300!



























So there you have it, folks! My entire cellphone history! I'm craving a new phone. A new iPhone 4S. I'm probably gonna get one, don't you worry! :P

Horatio Spafford.

I bet you've never even heard of the man.

But this man wrote one of the most popular hymns in history, "It Is Well With My Soul."

From the words of the hymn, you would never know how many miserable trials the man was going through. First, his only son died at the age of 4. Then, the great Chicago fire destroyed him financially. He planned to travel to Europe with his family, but financial issues caused by the fire delayed him. He sent his family ahead, but the ship sank while it was crossing the Atlantic. Miraculously, his wife survived, but all four of his daughters were lost to the sea. As Spafford rode on the next ship to catch up with his grieving wife, he wrote the famous words to this hymn. Interestingly, he was able to praise the Lord and say "it is well with my soul" even in the midst of his extreme trials.

My trials pale in comparison to his, but I don't know that I have ever praised the Lord in the midst of them. Lord, please give me faith enough to see You in the midst of the storm. Help me to lift up my hands and my heart in praise even when I am humbled and down on my face. 

"It Is Well With My Soul"