I am upset.

One of my lifelong dreams has been to move to the UK. I've actually been thinking about this quite seriously, applying for jobs, and looking at housing accommodations.

Then it hit me. In the back of my mind, I couldn't imagine never going back to school again. (So much that I just used a double negative.) So why not go back to school in England?

I frantically began my search. I had always heard that schools in the UK were less expensive than ones in the US. But in my search, I learned that they were only cheaper for UK residents which, sadly, I am not. My sneaky mind automatically thought, there HAS TO BE a loophole. I did quite a bit of searching. No loophole.

I wish I was born in the UK. Oxford costs roughly $8,000 US dollars per year. Good ol' CBU, the second cheapest private school in Southern California costs roughly $20,000. Mind you, I'm only comparing tuition costs, not housing, fees, books, etc. Four years at Oxford: $32,000. Four years at CBU: $80,000. Are you depressed yet? I am.

People have always complained that the cost of living is higher in the UK. Who cares! I surely wouldn't mind paying a little more for a sandwich and a pair of jeans knowing that I saved about $48,000 on my higher education.

Solution? Jen and I have comprised a list.

Plan A: When Jen becomes a famous movie star (and makes lots of money), I will design her business cards and website and take her head shots. That, in turn, will make me famous with lots of money and then I wouldn't have to worry about paying the international student costs at a university in the UK.

Plan B: We sit here, penniless and not famous (unfamous? infamous?) and end up in an insane asylum.

Plan C: We come to grips with the fact that we were born in the US. Instead of becoming insane old maids, we become elderly roommates and live cooky lives like Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's." We take up knitting and learning Japanese. After all, we'd need some wild endeavor to keep us sane.

Which plan would you vote for?