"My Desire" by Jeremy Camp

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind

You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the king

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by you

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will

All my life I have seen
Where you've take me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all you've done
So I give my hands to use




So...I didn't get the graphics and media internship position I applied for. I was bummed at first, but I'm totally good now. I learned a lot just from the comments I have been getting from people. Those comforts to rejection are actually quite inspirational. Haha.

I know God has a plan for me. Apparently, this job which I grew somewhat emotionally attached to during my "waiting to know if I got it process" wasn't in God's plan. I donno what God's plan is for me for this coming year is, but what I do know is that I don't want anything to stand in the way of what it is. Not even the "perfect job." My desire is to be used by God, in whatever way it is He wants to use me. I've learned that my specific desires aren't always how God wants to use me. But I've also learned that He'll open the doors to those desires if it's His will.

Well, I have another desire. Actually, I've had this desire for several years now, but the doors haven't opened. I want to go to England on the Creationfest mission trip. I donno yet, but I think my door is opening. And this open door has come because of my closed internship door. Haha. God is so cool. He works in creative ways. Since I don't have to be at school early since I didn't get the job, I might be able to go to England. And when I brought it up to my parents, they actually seemed pretty open to the idea. Then, on top of that, fafsa is weird and gives you less money when you have money in your savings so my parents think the "best thing" to do is to not have money in savings. Perfect solution = spend it on a missions trip! :] God is so good! So, I don't know if I am going yet, but it seems like a definite possibility! I'm still praying!

Today was women's chapel. Best women's chapel I've been to at CBU so far. Loved it!

Why do I always get so distracted when I am trying to do homework?? Possibly because google is just way too entertaining. Yeah, that has to be it. I know, I know. I'm a nerd.

"Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy."  -Nora Ephron

funny story of the day...

so, me and my roommate yvonne are walking down the stairs in the james building so we could go check our mail. we were talking and i didn't even notice anyone else was there...

i said to yvonne, "how in the world do i pull muscles in my sleep?" and she jokingly said back, "it's cuz you kick me all the time!"

all of a sudden we heard a voice...it came from what we first thought was an invisible person.

"maybe it's cuz you're cramping," the woman said. "do you eat bananas?
"uh...yeah."
"regularly?"
"uh....umm...not really." (while wondering WHO IS THIS CRAZY RANDOM STRANGER AND WHY IS SHE INTERVIEWING ME??)
"well, you should...cuz it has calcium and potassium & etc. in it."
"uhh thanks."

then...she walked her way and me and yvonne walked our way.

then came the sudden tears of laughter! hahahahahaha!

"…I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." --Paul
Philippians 4:11b

This may be the nearly impossible resolution for the new year…to take on the mindset of the Apostle Paul and to be content. Not only financially and materially, but emotionally as well. I desire to be emotionally content with what I have. I have Jesus and that should be enough to fulfill me.

Mike Pilavachi in his book Soul Survivor: Finding Passion and Purpose in the Dry Places says it well: "Don't settle for a superficial version of Christianity. Superficial Christianity is the most boring thing in the world. Go for broke! Ask your Lord to take you deeper. Don't be satisfied any longer to exist in security; chose to live in adventure. Say yes to His plans for you, and as He begins to unfold them, stay there. Don't run away. Then you will come up from the desert, leaning on your lover, ready to be a voice and not another echo, equipped to change the world."

I'm ready, as tough as it may be, to run towards of the goal of contentment. My goal for the year (and for the rest of my life for that matter!) is to be completely content in Christ. Who's with me? :]

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain."
1 Timothy 6:6

I was going to post my myspace blogs on here starting with January of this year, but I figured this one should go too. So here's a myspace blog post from December 18, 2007...enjoy!

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This seemed very applicable after Garid's message tonight at church so I decided to post it.



Have You Lost Your Hearing?
By Max Lucado

Once there was a man who dared God to speak.
Burn the bush like you did for Moses, God.
And I will follow.
Collapse the walls like you did for Joshua, God.
And I will fight.
Still the waves like you did on Galilee, God.
And I will listen.
And so the man sat by a bush, near a wall, close to the sea and waited for God to speak.

And God heard the man, so God answered.
He sent fire, not for a bush, but for a church.
He brought down a wall, not of brick, but of sin.
He stilled a storm, not of the sea, but of a soul.

And God waited for the man to respond.
And he waited...
And he waited...
And waited.

But because the man was looking at bushes, not hearts; bricks and not lives; seas and not souls, he decided that God had done nothing.
Finally he looked to God and asked, Have you lost your power?
And God looked at him and said, Have you lost your hearing?



Messages on prayer always seem to be the perfect thing for me to hear. I have prayer issues. I desire to to be a prayer warrior. Why is it so hard for me? I learned something tonight...something I've always known but just needed to hear once again. Prayer needs to be a constant dialogue. God isn't a genie. We shouldn't leave him as our last resort, only going to him when we have problems. I think I know what my problem is. I have selective [spiritual] hearing. My prayers have become monologue, not dialogue. Somehow, I miss what the Lord says to me with his still, small voice.

God, please revive my hearing. Bring me closer to you so I can hear your still, small voice.

...being brought to blogspot...shortly.

I've been blogging on myspace lately, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to come back here. But I am starting again with a new account. Reading those old blogs on the old account are way too embarrassing. haha.