Archive for May 2009



It's a battle. One between my brain and my body. Love/hate relationship. Honestly, I didn't know that was even possible. Choppy sentences. That's how this blog is cuz that's how my brain feels right now. Bleh. OUCH. Ohhhhh U Crappy Heart. That's the descriptive acronym for the day. Make that for the week. Nah, life in general. Life is DEFINITELY not dull. Loopy. That's how I feel. Slept at 3:30 the past I donno how many nights. Whoa. Lack of sleep getting to me? I drink way too much caffeine. Wow.


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It's interesting to my how God can speak a whole new truth to you through something you have read hundreds of times!

I reading Romans right now. Got to chapter 12. (This is my first time reading through Romans in ESV.)

Verse 1-2 are very well known verses. I know them by heart. "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (NKJV)

However, the ESV squeezes in a couple of words to verse 2. Kind of caught me off guard. "...that by testing you may discern what is the will of God."

I'm being tested right now. Oh man! But such is the life of one who desires to walk with the Lord!

Four Vacations.


My brain is going at about 200 mph. It's gonna overheat—I know it.

I am SO ready for a vacation!

12 days til Indiana!
20 days til Norcal with Yvonne!
60 days til Jr. High Camp!
74 days til England!

Praise the Lord for FOUR vacations! =]

Some lessons take years to learn!

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It was July 17, 2007. Wow. I didn't realize it was so long ago. That's when God started teaching me my tough lesson. Strange thing, I'm reading today and come across the verse my friend gave me that day. It's been almost two years, and I still have contentment issues. I am so thankful the Lord remains faithful even when I falter.

God, please be my everything. And please help me to learn my lesson.

Your vote is important to me!


I need everyone's votes. I am extreeeeemely indecisive.

My credit card is expiring soon. For my replacement card, I either get to pick a new design or stick with the one I have. Change is good...I want a new design. I have narrowed it down to four. (Obviously, if I get one of the monogram ones, it'll have my initials on it though, not an "a.") Anyways, I need your help picking. So let me know which ones you like best. I numbered them for your convenience.

1) orange with lighter orange polkadots,
2) green with a spriraly/floral design.
3) self explanatory. lol. i like green. and sunflowers.
4) once again, i like green. and i like polkadots.

Alrighty, time for votes!



Just for Yvonne and Faith...

I bought some eyeshadow today. Are you proud? =] And it was waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy cheaper than Mary Kay. hahahaha!

Let's see how this goes!

Lord, please give me strength.

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Prayed my 5 word prayer again.

The hardest prayer of my life.
Is it really that hard?
Or am I just a fleshly loser?
There are so many things I wonder.
And yet, I can only wait and see.
Lord, please give me strength.

"a Sinner on: shutting up and listening" —Julianne Varcie

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My friend Julianne, a very gifted writer, posted this on her blog the other day. It was honestly one of the greatest blogs I have read in my entire life. Totally hit home with me. I desperately wanted to share it with the world, so it was pretty much a dream come true when she granted me the permission to repost it. Read it and enjoy. Let it simmer.

"a Sinner on: shutting up and listening" —Julianne Varcie

It won't take many words to get across my main thought for this one.

I dare to suggest that one of the reasons that we do not stop to listen to God is because we are terrified of what He will say to us.

Sure, maybe we pray about things, perhaps even fervently. And maybe we look around for "signs" that may indicate that our prayer has been answered in a certain way. But think about how flawed this is.
If we were having a conversation with any human person, would we not wait for their reply? Would we ask for something, be it physical, or maybe advice and then walk away before the person had processed or begun to speak?
Obviously, the answer is no.
That would be rude.
But why do we do that to God?
"God, I really need guidance in Situation A, B, and C. Please guide me and show me what to do."
Perhaps it is that we see God as only giving us physical signs. By that I mean, a friend giving us godly counsel, or something that just seems odd or out of place, so we take it as a sign.

Sean Durham recently blogged a Richard Selzer quote- "One is not bold in an encounter with God."
I think this quote perfectly illustrates my point.
While we can come boldly to the throne of grace (Heb 4:16), if we were to just shut up and listen for once, what great, terrible, terrifying things would we hear?
How many times have I complained about wanting to know God's will? Or how many times have I prayed about it, said "amen" and moved on to the next thing?
Perhaps the answer comes from listening and the reason we feel that our prayers are never answered is because we don't hear the answer.

Classic example: we women often accuse men of not listening to us. Whether they are busy or really just not focusing, how many times have we thrown out a complaint over their lack of comprehension over what we have to say?
I'd love to know if this makes God laugh. Not only because of our lack of understanding the opposite sex, but because maybe God is talking to us all the time, but we never stop and listen to Him. Rather, maybe it makes him sad.

This principle is true for me.
Sure, I can blame not listening on never having realized that I should stop to do so. Or I can continue to plan (or rather not plan) my time and let it sift by.
But ultimately, maybe it comes down to being afraid of what He will say.
If we were to encounter what He would say, what would happen?
Our lives would never be the same.
The Red Sea had an encounter with God: it was parted.
Moses encountered God: he glowed.
Saul met Jesus: he was blinded and changed.

Fear and trembling.

What are some things you fear He will say?

Unwinding with Jesus.


Today is May 5th and this is my first blog of the month. I just wanted to justify myself to Jacob who claims I "post a blog every day." I do not. lol.

Today was very relaxing. I spent THREE HOURS with my journal, some coffee, and my Philip Glass pandora playlist. Then some more time with my Bible added onto that list. It was lovely. Unwinding with Jesus. Seriously, I felt like there was sooooooo much I was holding on to. I pretty much just dumped it all on the Lord today. It's awesome cuz I KNOW He is always listening. So yeah, he're my short and sweet blog. The day is not over here's to the rest of the day! =]



I have a FAT stack of books on my dresser. And on my desk. And on my bed. And on the floor along the wall. There is NO ROOM for them all all in my bookshelf. Reality hasn't sunk in—the fact that school is over and that I am home for four months. I hate unpacking.

To start off my break, I went to the hospital tonight to visit my cousin. Please pray for her. She pneumonia reeeeally bad. She can't even breathe on her own and has an oxygen mask giving her 100%.

Being in a hospital breaks my heart. Every open door that I passed and every patient I caught a glimpse of softened my heart. It kinda gave me a new passion to pray. I want to be a prayer warrior. I know I don't pray enough. I hate hospitals, but I almost wanna go to one and just go room to room and pray for everyone. God has the power to heal. And even though He sometimes finds it best not to heal people physically, He can heal their hearts and their souls.

God, please refuel my prayer fire.